Joe Schmoe from Nowhere

A Man and a Non-Existent Land

So, just where does the SimGovernment put people they want to hide, or maybe even forget? I now know. No Man's Land.

A place not on any map or SimsLand globe. A place as desolate as its name.

Yet, here am I, Joe Schmoe, a man who does not exist either.

Yeah, Joe Schmoe. Can you believe it? That's the name they gave me when they... Oh yeah, I can't talk about that can I?

As you can probably guess from my whining and complaining, this wasn't always my life. I made some mistakes before and this is how I'm paying for them. I left everything behind and am having to start over with just what the government gave me. A bag of clothes, §5,000 in small bills, binoculars, a shovel, and a shed on a desolate piece of land. Yay me.

I don't know where I am, but I do know that even the birds I grew up with are nowhere to be found.

Not a one

I know because looking kept me from screaming when I first arrived.


At least until the first of my guardians made an appearance.

Sure, some might say that I'm being paranoid. I mean, the SimGovernment doesn't really use children to do their dirty work. And yet my reply to that is this - How do you know that it's really a child?

Paranoid or not, I did introduce myself to the... teen? Can't have the inmates knowing where the 2-way mirrors are now can you?

So I made friendly with the lad and told him I looked forward to seeing him tomorrow. Kind sort of person, aren't I?

After some more bird watching I decided to check out the shed... I mean house. I was sure that it would be a treat.

Now, riddle me this... If I'm not being watched how would this man know just when to come by?

And with a welcoming gift no less?

He just co-incidentally stopped by when I went inside? Sure. Of course. Whatever was I thinking? *smirk*


And he was long gone by the time I got off the john? Right.

But then again, who am I to look a gift agent in the mouth? I brought the box in the shed and opened it up. Inside was a new computer.

Not even a good one. You'd think they'd give me one of my own... Oh right. Not supposed to talk about that.

So, I booted up the old thing... I mean the machine. Let's see what this baby has.

Barely enough machine to access the library's mainframe. Well, at least I could search for a new job. Something in my line of work perhaps?

CFO? No, I guess not.
President of a SimWide multi-nationally traded company? No, of course not.
Advisor to SimWorld leaders? Whatever was I thinking?

Oh look, here's a job for a Test Subject in a science lab. I guess I'll take that for now.

At this point I really needed to burn off some steam.

I headed outside with my handy-dandy shovel to get some form of exercise done. Just because I'm in exile I shouldn't let my body go to waste. Or would that be waist? Great. The solitude can't be getting to me already can it?

And so I begin to dig. And dig. And dig.

On the plus side, I did manage to find some things. A rock. And then a bone. And then a piece of crumpled paper. And then a...

Drat! Someone's coming.


I covered the hole back up as quickly as I could. I think it was just in time. I hope.

More guardians had arrived. Or maybe more inmates? Who can say for sure?

The first one introduced herself as Danielle. She must have known the other two as she greeted them both with hugs. You can well imagine my surprise when they each greeted me the same way.

They called themselves Jason and Vamsi. Hey, I call myself Joe so what can I say about their names?


So we talked about friendships

And about the weather

And about whether or not magic really exists.

And then I realized that someone was missing. Danielle.

I told the other two that I was going to go inside and make some sandwiches. They must not have been thinking fast enough to stop me because once I went inside I found...

Danielle had made herself at home on my computer!

I kept walking past her since I knew that I hadn't done anything wrong. Yet. But it did make me wonder about what I had found and left hidden in the sand outside.

Was this a trap? What could be the purpose of it, if so? Should I try to sell the chest fast? Where? How? When?

I don't think I had ever been so insecure in my life.

Eventually they left and I was able to do some investigating of my own.

While I couldn't find what she might have done to the computer I wasn't taking any chances. I boxed it back up and plan to dispose of it as soon as possible. I'd rather have to deal with books and newspapers than to have someone spying on me.

I read up on some old 40's style books on cleaning and cooking for several hours. Then I headed outside.

I didn't even care how badly I smelled. I had to get that chest moved to another location.


But at least I was able to sleep well on my first night. In fact, that's probably why I woke up so hungry the next day.


***To be continued***